Mental Tools for Pregnancy After Loss
Written by Arden Cartrette, The Miscarriage Doula
After you've experienced pregnancy loss, you may become excited and fearful of a subsequent pregnancy. Holding space for all emotions while pregnant after loss is essential, and sometimes we are in the thick of the hard stuff that we aren't sure where to start.
Finding ways to cope with pregnancy after loss is critical, and sometimes it takes trial and error before finding what helps you on a hard day. So here are a few ideas for your mental health toolbox.
Setting Small Goals (and celebrating them!)
While it may seem silly, setting small goals and celebrating each time you accomplish them is a significant first step to mentally coping with being pregnant after loss. When navigating a hardship, we often forget to focus on our progress and instead focus on how far we have left to go.
Take a piece of paper and write down one goal you'd like to accomplish soon. Then, once you conquer that step, cross it off the list and add another goal, and don't forget to celebrate your win!
Lean on Your Support System
When we experience loss, we often see who true friends are and which family members we can lean on. Then, relying on those people again during another pregnancy is important. From delegating tasks, having a place to go and share your happy milestones and complex triggers, and feeling less alone -- our support system can be a huge help during pregnancy after loss.
And if you don't have a support system in mind, don't fret. Many people struggle with a lack of a village, as it's called, and that's when leaning on the other tools mentioned can be helpful. Working on communicating with your partner can help bridge the gap in support when your village is small but finding what works for you and enables you to navigate these challenging times is the most important task.
Journaling
An undervalued coping tool is journaling. Whether it's chronically your day(s), answering prompts, or keeping different lists (such as a goal list), journaling can take many forms and serve multiple purposes. Taking the pressure off journaling and doing what feels most helpful can benefit your pregnancy after-loss journey.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is more than meditation and positive self-talk; it focuses on breath work, creating a calming (and healing) space, and helpful self-talk. It benefits those who suffer from anxiety or struggle with processing difficult emotions.
Finding a mindfulness track on YouTube or Spotify works well for a beginner. There are also platforms such as Headspace and Calm.
Join a Support Group
In the last few years, support groups have taken on a higher role in providing community support to those who have suffered a loss. You can find support groups locally, in person, and virtually. At The Miscarriage Doula, we offer virtual support groups every two months and have seen firsthand the difference this support makes.
Through support groups, you have the space to share your grief, in some cases, receive professional support, meet people with similar experiences, and receive validation as you navigate what goes next.
Schedule Time For Yourself
Self-care and time to yourself are two things that take a lot of effort, and usually, we don't have the time to put in. However, scheduling time out of the day (or at least 2-3 times per week) can help you utilize your support system and coping tools and play a massive part in your mental health. To start with scheduling time for yourself, set the alarm on your phone for the same time every day and try to disconnect from your phone, work, and work on holding space for however, you're feeling that day.
More about Arden
Arden Cartrette is a Certified Bereavement Doula that focuses on pregnancy loss and life after loss.
After experiencing an infertility diagnosis and recurrent pregnancy loss, she welcomed her first of two living sons into the world and realized that grief ebbs and flows and she learned the importance of receiving support through miscarriage and life after. In 2020 she started The Miscarriage Doula, an online service and resource for those experiencing pregnancy loss at any gestation.
Website - themiscarriagedoula.co
Instagram - instagram.com/themiscarriagedoula
Miscarriage Stories Podcast - https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/xUqGYzC9Cyb
