How to Approach Mother's Day After Pregnancy Loss

You may not feel like celebrating Mother's Day this year, and first let us say, that is perfectly OK. This holiday can evoke feelings ranging from sadness to anger to grief to disappointment, and it can be tricky to navigate, especially if you have constant reminders (we’re looking at you, Instagram) of why it should be a happy day. Pregnancy loss is hard on it’s own, and Mother’s Day often feels like it’s shining a spotlight on your grief. 

The grief of miscarriage is often described as disenfranchised grief. Because there was no live baby born, people may not recognize the loss as significant as you may feel it, which can compound your grief. Your baby was real and they are loved, your feelings are completely valid. We created the Mental Grief Plan with this in mind. It is a self-paced digital workbook to help mindfully process grief related to pregnancy and infant loss.

Here are some ways to approach Mother's Day that aren’t meant to erase your feelings but give you some ease to get through what can be a difficult holiday. 

Acknowledge your Feelings

It's okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated on Mother's Day. Allow yourself space for those emotions to pass through you. It may be helpful to write them down in a journal or even a piece of paper that you throw away or burn as a symbol of letting go. This free mindfulness for grief meditation, taken from the Mental Grief Plan, can help you acknowledge the feelings you’re having.

Talk to Someone you Trust

If you know this weekend will be triggering for you, plan ahead. Make that therapy appointment or find a support group. Talking about your feelings can help you process them and feel less alone. The Miscarriage Doula runs wonderful and supportive virtual support groups in addition to offering 1:1 support. It may also help to give a close friend or family member a heads up, plan to spend some time together or ask them to check in on you. If you’ve been struggling with how to communicate your loss to your friends or network, we go over ways you can do this in the Mental Grief Plan digital workbook. 

Do Something for Yourself 

Take some time for self-care this weekend. Do something that you enjoy, such as reading a book, getting a pedicure, going for a hike or throwing on your favorite playlist and Marie Kondo-ing your closet. Practicing breathwork, doing a body scan or progressive muscle relaxation can be calming practices that we also go over in the Mental Grief Plan.

Move your Body

We know exercise reduces stress, improves mood and can be a good distraction from the negative feelings we may be experiencing. Take a pilates class, invite a friend for a run, take your dog for a long walk in nature. Sitting on the couch will much more likely lead to doom scrolling, which leads us to our next point…

Avoid Social Media

Extra points for taking a complete tech detox for the weekend by turning off your phone, computer and TV. These will only be reminders of people who celebrate Mother’s Day. We were surprised to receive an email from Canva a few weeks ago that allowed us to opt out of Mother’s Day email marketing - kudos to them! And apparently other brands have done the same. 

Take a Moment of Micro-Gratitude

When stuck in the muck of grief, it can feel hard to find even small amounts of joy or feel grateful for anything. Yet, staying down in the muck can add to the heaviness of what you’re feeling. This is why we talk about micro-gratitude in the Mental Grief Plan. Practicing gratitude can bring small rays of sunshine into your day. These may only be brief glimpses at first, but having something positive to focus on, however small, can bring a lift to your mental state. This can look like taking a moment of appreciation for your coffee in the morning, the warmth of sunshine on your skin or the beauty of a flower, tree or scenery. These will be different for everyone and it may only start as an acknowledgment like, “Well, that was alright.” Take it slow.

Grief sucks. There isn’t a way to completely erase it, but there are ways to move forward with compassion for yourself and your loss. We hope you find these suggestions helpful in navigating this weekend or whenever you need them. If you have questions or want more help, please reach out to us hello@mentalpushplan.com. Sending you love this weekend and always.