Carolyn’s Birth Story
Carolyn (co-creator of Mental Push Plan) and her daughter, Sienna.
The decision to have a home birth was rather simple for me. I had worked in a job that I hated for many years after college where I worked in hospitals. Being in that environment brought back waves of stress, anxiety and negativity. I knew I couldn’t have my baby there, so I found a wonderful group of midwives who accepted my health insurance and was fortunate enough to have a low-risk pregnancy that allowed me to give birth at home.
I never had strong feelings of whether or not I wanted an unmedicated birth. A comfortable and safe environment was my biggest priority, and how I dealt with the pain came second to that. During my pregnancy, I had many people ask me about this decision and marvel at my choice to have a ‘natural birth’. My response was always that I truly believed in the innate abilities passed down to me by thousands of generations of women who came before me. My body can handle this. That would become a mantra for me through pregnancy and childbirth. Side note - while this was the path I chose, I believe there is no one “right” way to birth. All births are unique and beautiful.
I regularly meditated prior to and throughout my pregnancy. This, along with my yoga practice and a childbirth class that my husband and I attended, had me feeling pretty good as my due date approached. I thought I was prepared, but as so many women will tell you, the experience of giving birth is something you can never quite fully prepare for. It brings you to your knees while simultaneously elevating you to this title of ‘giver of life’. It’s grueling and magical and depleting and uplifting all at once.
I remember being on our bed in the beginning hours of active labor, leaning against my husband, while moaning and rocking my knees from side to side through each contraction. In between the waves, he would rub my belly. It was euphoric. We were both crying.
Several hours later, I was sitting naked, backwards on the toilet. The only thing getting me through the intense contractions was counting in my head until the sensation faded. During the short in-betweens, I was stressing out about whether or not I had pooped during the last contraction! I kept coming back to my counting and controlled breathing. When things would get super intense, my breath would get short and up in my chest. My doula would gently say, “use your yoga breath”, and it was so helpful to have that reminder.
I had horrible back labor and it culminated during the pushing stage. At one point, I said “I can’t do this anymore!” As soon as I said that, all the midwives and my doula shouted in unison “Yes you can! You’re doing it!”
My beautiful daughter, Sienna, was born not long after. I am forever grateful to those women who picked me back up when I thought I couldn’t go on. My husband has been my number one supporter from the beginning, and he will always be my person; however, it was this tribe of strong, supportive and nurturing women who guided me through this incredibly intense experience and made me look back on it with so much positivity and empowerment. I’m in awe and honored to be part of this special group of people who get to call themselves mothers.
