Lauren’s Second Birth Story

A Very ‘Zen’ Birth

Written by Lauren Samson

One of the most important things about preparing for birth is contemplating all the “what if’s”. While you can’t let the unknown or fear overwhelm you, it is important to consider how things could change during the course of your labor and birth. So much shame, guilt and feelings of defeat around birth develop from changes to a person’s ideal birth or when they have to move away from their birth preferences. When something changes, the birthing person can be left feeling like it was their fault or that something is wrong with them. Thoughts like, “If only I had done x” or “My body didn’t do what it was supposed to” can circle around a person’s brain and leave them feeling defeated or demoralized.

This is a critical aspect that we stress in the Mental Push Plan - preparing yourself for change and how you’ll respond in the moment. Expect the unexpected. Planning ahead for the likelihood of change can make the change less scary or shocking in the moment and can help prevent difficult emotions when reflecting upon the birth. Both of my births demonstrated to me how important preparing for the unexpected is.

Expect the unexpected.

Additionally, in between my two births I experienced two pregnancy losses. Going through a rainbow pregnancy added it’s own layer of mental and emotional challenges. While, I was feeling good through the second half of my pregnancy as the birth got closer and closer, I felt old fears and anxieties about all the ways that things could go wrong resurfacing again. I had to work through those in addition to preparing for the birth itself. Read more about my pregnancy here.

My first birth was rather fast. The entire labor took about 7 hours. I had hoped to use all the tools for an unmedicated birth (tub, birthing ball, etc.), but by the time we arrived at the hospital I was too far along to use most of them. My mindset was very much athlete-mode, like “I’m going to conquer this birth thing!” Additionally, there was quite a bit of the unexpected in getting to the hospital. We had to walk through protests to try and find a taxi in gridlock traffic. I showed up at the hospital 9 cm dilated and birthed my son in about an hour and a half (full birth story here). This birth experience demonstrated how critical mental preparation is for handling birth, because it’s a wild ride! It was also the reason we started Mental Push Plan.

Lauren and her husband welcoming their first son McCall into the world in Barcelona, Spain.

For my second birth, I was hoping to have a calmer experience. My ideal birth scenario looked something like this -

My contractions start and build to the point where they are 5 mins apart and we decide to head to the birth center. Most importantly we would arrive at the birth center earlier than for my first birth. My birth support team includes my husband, my doula and business partner Carolyn, my sister-in-law and my 2-year-old son McCall. We get settled in our room and I have time to labor in the tub while chatting in between contractions to my team and lovingly explaining to my son what’s happening and that we are about to meet his brother.

My Mental Push Plan includes the push cue “Zen” in order to keep me present and calm. I chose this cue to help me surrender to the birth experience instead of trying to “beat it” like I did in my first birth. I also stay centered on my breath and use counting when necessary. The room is low lit and my relaxed, easy listening Spotify playlist is playing in the background. When the time to push comes, we get out of the tub and I ground my feet on the earth to push my little one into the world. All the while my entire birth team is calm and encouraging. Doesn’t that sound nice?! Ha! That’s not what happened.

My Mental Push Plan includes the push cue “Zen” in order to keep me present and calm.

What actually happened goes like this…

11 am - 7 pm

I lost my mucus plug across a couple hours Sunday midday so I was on alert for things to start in the next couple days. I spent the majority of the day whirlwind cleaning the house to set us up for bringing the baby home to a clean(ish) house. I’m very picky when it comes to cleaning. We had dinner plans with friends and I wasn’t about to miss out on what was likely my last time out of the house for a while. So we hit the grocery store and went to their house. I’m happy to say the elk burgers did not disappoint. While we were there, I had 3-4 mild contractions that were 20+ mins apart. It felt good to have a distraction in what I thought was very early labor. We joked about how the next time we saw each other there would be a new person for them to meet.

7 - 11 pm

Once we finished dinner and headed home (I drove) around 7 pm, the time between contractions shortened to 12-15 mins. The contractions still felt like early labor and didn’t have me concerned that things were yet in active labor. But just to be safe we decided to walk our toddler over to his Oma & Opa’s house for the night in case things happened over night. There went my thought of having him with us for the birth. We got home around 9 pm after putting him to sleep and called the midwives to let them know things were starting but were still very early. I thought I could lay down to get some sleep and planned to call Carolyn and my sister-in-law in a couple hours to update them on our progress.

I wasn’t able to get any sleep, however, because between 9 pm and 11 pm the contractions intensified quite a bit. Even though they were still 10 mins apart, I was getting on all fours to breath and moan through them. It still wasn’t clear to my husband and me that Carolyn needed to come meet us yet, but in her infinite wisdom she heard that I was having to get through contractions on all fours and made the decision to come over.

11 pm - 1 am

In the 20 mins it took her to get to our house, my contractions jumped to 5 mins apart. She showed up to me brushing my teeth because my husband had suggested that if I was going to be breathing in other people’s faces I shouldn’t have such stinky breath. What a great piece of advice for a laboring woman. Uh huh. After being at our house for about 15 mins, she recommended we call the midwives and head to the birth center. As we were loading up I started to feel the urge to push and thought, “Uh oh. How did this happen so fast?” I made them put a towel down in the car in case my water broke on the way there. I also berated my husband for speeding over dips and bumps along the way. Getting bounced around in the car while in transition wasn’t ideal. 

We arrived at the birth center around 12:15 am. I walked in during a contraction and then lost a big gush of fluid. My comment was, “I don’t know if I just peed or my water broke” (Turns out it was a little of both). They immediately started filling the tub. I knew I wanted to labor in the tub but now that everything was happening I wavered. I didn’t really intend to have a water birth and I knew that if I got in now that was what was going to happen. My husband pushed me to get in. He had heard me complain enough about our first birth experience and not getting to use the tub that he probably didn’t want to hear more about it a second time around.

So I got into the tub and that’s when my water really broke. I saw the surge of fluid underwater and knew then that the baby was about to be born. The conversation around me was revolving around who was going to catch the baby and whether Mitch should get in the tub. I didn’t care if he was in the tub and I could tell he wasn’t super interested, so that was out. As for who was going to catch the baby, that was supposed to be me (which I didn’t manage in the end).

I walked in during a contraction and then lost a big gush of fluid. My comment was, “I don’t know if I just peed or my water broke” (Turns out it was a little of both).

I was already pushing through all of this and felt the crowning and the birth of his head. I waited for the next contraction and then fully pushed my baby out. Again, I didn’t do the catching and the midwife had to fish him out of the water. At 12:39 am Rory Mark Samson joined the world, about 25 mins after arriving at the birth center.

All-in-all my second labor and birth took all of three hours (9:30 pm - 12:30 am). In such a whirlwind, I didn’t have many elements of my ideal birth and didn’t even use all the tools on my Mental Push Plan. This is all to say that expecting the unexpected is the name of the birthing game. I knew that second births tend to go faster, I wasn’t fully prepared for just how fast, however.

At 12:39 am Rory Mark Samson joined the world, about 25 mins after arriving at the birth center.

Per my ideal birth - 

I did have my team around me (minus my older son) and my breath held my whole focus. My music played and the room was low lit and calm. There was no thought of conquering this birth and I allowed the flow of the birth progress to take me. 

I didn’t use my “zen” push cue at all and I never counted. I did not arrive at the birth center sooner, in fact, I was there all of 25 mins before Rory was born. And I had a water birth instead of being grounded to the earth. 

However, I had mentally prepared for the potential of things to go differently than my ideal, my first birth taught me that (as did nearly every birth story I’ve ever heard). It is so uncommon for a birth to go precisely as desired, that allowing for flexibility and staying in the moment is critical to being truly mentally prepared.

Using my mental tools in the fluid experience of birth was incredibly empowering and unlocked my mental strength to simply go to work.

While I did not utilize all the tools on my Mental Push Plan, I did use the ones that worked in the moment. Having a variety of mental tools available is the best way to ensure you’ll have what you need when in the throws of labor and birth. The beauty of mental strength (and the mental tools that engage it) is that it doesn’t have to follow an exact plan to have an impact. In fact, its impact is truly felt in moments of uncertainty or challenge because it can help you weather the storm.

Having a personalized Mental Push Plan helps you meet the challenge presented to you, even when you don’t know exactly what that challenge will be. I felt so secure in using the right tools on my plan, even if it wasn’t the ones I thought I would use. I had what I needed in the moment in the sprint that was the birth of my second beautiful boy.

Planning for and being open to the unexpected freed me from the shame, guilt or disappointment that could come along with having rigid expectations about how my birth would proceed. Using my mental tools in the fluid experience of birth was incredibly empowering and unlocked my mental strength to simply go to work.