The only thing I should have expected… was the unexpected.
The road to our beautiful Haleigh Catherine.
Written by Molly Yardley
My husband and I were finally in the city we wanted to be in and in a financial situation that allowed us to feel comfortable starting our family. I began by doing my own research on stopping birth control and starting prenatal vitamins. My two favorite books were “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler and “It Starts With The Egg” by Rebecca Fett. I had been on birth control for a very long time, and I was ready to start adjusting things. My health journey includes a colitis diagnosis and I had turned to an Autoimmune Paleo Diet a few years back that I wanted (and needed) to be aware of when it came to getting all the necessary nutrients for pregnancy.
When we did begin trying, we were very lucky to become pregnant very quickly. I immediately felt changes and, unfortunately, got the short end of the stick when it came to morning sickness. It was a very rude awakening when I learned the hard way that morning sickness is not just reserved for morning. It hit me the hardest when it was time to lay down and go to bed.
At the end of my first trimester going into my second I found I had a UTI even though I had no symptoms. I was immediately put on antibiotics and for someone with gut issues, this was a disaster waiting to happen. I had a terrible flare up and with a new baby pushing on that flare it left me in the bathroom on all fours for hours at a time. It took extra time, extra doctors, and extra resources to get things back under control, but I was so thankful when they did. It took a few weeks, new medication and lots of rest to get back to normal. It was so wonderful when I was able to get back to walking the dog regularly.
Navigating and balancing the upcoming labor and birthing process from a knowledge and support standpoint, I felt I had things under control.
We hired a doula for support, took birthing, newborn childcare and breastfeeding classes and registered for the hospital early. But when it came to my thoughts and emotions , well that looked a little different. I read a few books that I found somewhat helpful and was trying to harness my inner strength and feel confident with where I was at mentally in this preparation process. But honestly, I was scared and truly didn’t know what to expect.
I came across the Mental Push Plan and was very excited to combine my background in sports (volleyball) and my professional training in counseling to use while preparing for baby. The idea of labor made me a little anxious, but I knew in the back of my mind that my body was meant to do this.
While going through the Mental Push Plan, I meditated, read, and journaled. All these things were very therapeutic, and I would recommend them to any momma, especially a first-time momma. We met with our doula, discussed preferences and chatted about what I wanted and needed in our hospital room. My goal for our birth was to have as little medical intervention as possible.
I was feeling more and more confident and prepared until my 38th week appointment. This is when everything changed.
Suddenly, I felt completely out of control of anything, including my own emotions. I went in for my appointment and the nurse and OB checked my blood pressure three separate times. It was dangerously high, and my OB said I had two options, to go to the hospital and get induced in a few hours or go to the hospital, have some tests done and get induced in a few days anyways. My cervix was also checked but the OB could not get a read on if I had made any progress so far.
I left the office in tears, overwhelmed and not knowing how to process the information I was just given. We packed our things and headed to the hospital that evening. When we arrived, our first nurse solved the mystery of why my OB could not give me any information on my progress. My cervix was tilted, facing the inside of my left hip. They started me on Cytotec to help ripen my cervix, and we went to bed. Throughout the night I felt light cramping that would wake me up every so often but nothing major. In the morning, I was given Pitocin and things progressed immediately. Once the Pitocin kicked in, I had no more than a minute to a minute and a half in between each contraction. Things went from 0 to 60 so fast, I had a really hard time mentally keeping up with how my body was responding to the medication. Early on I coped by leaning on my husband and when our doula arrived, she talked with me and guided me through each contraction. Knowing that they were there with me was extremely reassuring.
I was checked again in the late morning by my OB, and in the middle of her check she decided it was in my best interest to break my water. She didn’t ask if I was ready or discuss a plan. It just happened before I had any time to ask any questions. At first, I didn’t know how to feel. I wanted to trust her knowing that she knew best and had more medical insight than I did, but I also felt betrayed that a decision was made without my input or my consent.
As this was added to my mental load, I tried to refocus on the physical load and tried my best to control my breathing. The one thing that made me feel better was making horse lips as the waves came over me and to go to the places I had practiced visualizing repeatedly in preparation with the Mental Push Plan. My thought process at this point was just focusing on the next contraction, just one small step at a time. I went from standing, to the bathroom, to the floor, back to the bed.
I tried so hard to hang on, but the physical exhaustion paired with the exhaustion of trying to keep up with what was happening medically was overwhelming. The swelling I endured during my third trimester left me with little muscle in my legs and I decided it was time for a break. I decided the best course of action for me in that moment was an epidural. I received one and shortly after was fast asleep.
I woke up a few hours later as the epidural was already wearing off, but thankfully I began feeling like it was time to start pushing and I informed the medical staff. I pushed for just over two hours and at 7:35 pm our little Haleigh was here. We chose to not find out the sex of our baby until we delivered, and we were both in shock it was a girl because we both felt like it was a boy for some time. Boy, were we wrong!
We were able to spend a little bit of time with our new nugget, which was so wonderful, but our medical journey did not end after delivery. Because of my high blood pressure, I had to go on a magnesium drip for 24 hours. Magnesium is basically a full body muscle relaxer to lower blood pressure quickly. I was given a catheter and was not allowed out of bed for 24 hours. They shared with me that the first hour or so would be the worst of it, as it was going to feel like I had the flu- nausea, chills and discomfort.
Then about 3 hours after I delivered, one of the nurses noticed my bleeding hadn’t subsided. She asked for a second opinion and before I knew it, I had a few other nurses, a new OB and an anesthesiologist in my room. The OB said she was going to have to go back in to investigate the bleeding further. She checked what was going on with her hands, ripping my fresh stitches and I felt every piece of pain that came with it. Meanwhile, the anesthesiologist came to my side and told me I had two options on how to proceed. His exact words were, “You can do this the hard way or the hard way.” Not the most reassuring when you are again trying to process what is happening. My options were to get a second epidural or get rolled into the OR. I again found myself mentally playing catch up as this ‘choice’ was being presented to me.
It turned out that I was hemorrhaging because part of the placenta had broken off and was left in my uterus.
As that was being extracted with hands and eventually tools, three large blood clots, one the size of my new baby’s head were removed as well. This all needed to be taken care of as quickly as possible, so although I was administered a second epidural and other pain medication nothing kicked in as quickly as I had hoped. My husband was next to my head sitting in a chair with our new baby unable to hold my hand. I was so thankful to the nurses that came to each of my sides to offer support not only physically but mentally and emotionally too.
Even though the nurses and staff were adamant that this new baby was our responsibility, they very kindly went out of their way to take Haleigh that first night so I could rest. My blood pressure was taken and monitored every few hours for the duration of our hospital stay. We were moved into a recovery room the next afternoon. Unfortunately, our breastfeeding journey started a little later than we had hoped because I had difficulties holding her with how many things I was hooked up to. Thankfully, the lactation specialists understood our challenges and were there in our room whenever we needed them.
When I was finally allowed to stand, I came to the stark realization that I had absolutely no muscles in my legs. I was still somewhat swollen from pregnancy and my legs had to remain in a large contraption that acted as a stinting machine until I was allowed to try to walk on my own. I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to stand on my own. It took some time, not without a few dizzy spells and a nurse watching me the whole time, but I eventually made it to the bathroom on my own. We were moved to two new rooms after this recovery room and ended up staying in the hospital for 6 days in total.
Although we were eager to get home, we knew that being at the hospital for our lengthy recovery was needed. The most difficult part of this lengthy stay was not getting an exact time frame as to when we could go home. It was always phrased as, if you continue this progress then you can go home, or if these numbers stay where they are then we can release you. These comments were always delivered with confidence and reassurance but it felt like we were being dragged along for the ride. Overall, the nurses, staff and everyone we encountered was so helpful, supportive, and we were lucky to have felt very taken care of.
I write this out not to scare new moms but to encourage others to understand that things can change and sometimes they can change quickly.
As I look back on my birth, I am proud of our story. Although it was extremely challenging, it is our own and no one else’s. I am proud of myself for preparing for birth the way I did, from utilizing the Mental Push Plan to hiring a doula. I am proud of myself for getting through the birthing process the way that I needed to, and I don’t regret any of my decisions, even if they were different than what I was originally planning.
Advice I would give to new moms is first of all be honest with where you are mentally. If you are totally and completely scared, make that realization and know that it is ok to start there. If you are feeling confident from the get go, that’s awesome, but don’t overlook the resources that are available to you. Looking back, things that were most important to our preparation was taking care of my mental health, which the Mental Push Plan definitely aided in, the conversations we had with our doula and each other as almost new parents. Because we were induced, most of the birth class did not apply to us but we were still happy we took the class to increase our knowledge of what could be and it helped both, my husband and myself feel even more prepared.
